Jolly Halloween Witch on Crescent Moon Vintage Greeting Card

The witch's suspicious cheerfulness while dangling unsolicited marriage prophecies via magic spoon is the first red flag—this gray-haired woman has apparently abandoned dark arts entirely to become a relationship counselor to strangers, delivering matrimonial timelines with the confidence of your aunt after two glasses of wine at Thanksgiving. Her dramatic red cape billows with the energy of someone with very strong opinions about your love life, while a black cat looms behind her with the thousand-yard stare of a familiar who absolutely did not sign up for this matchmaking operation. The verse itself—'The witch is using her magic spoon / And seems to say / You'll get married soon'—reads less 'mystical oracle' and more 'aggressive holiday postcard fortune-telling.'